Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
Randomize
