Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
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