There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
I'm playing a drinking game with nyc prep. This will not end well for meeee
Everytime the gay dude pretends he's not gay, drink a cosmo. Everytime the crosseyed girl is crosseyed, kill her
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
Randomize
