put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
I wish there were birth control emojis
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
Randomize
