Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
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