I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
SEXX, SEXX, SEXX,SEXX,SEX SEX SEXXXXXXX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEX.\nimagine that to the can can song. also come to my house. theres a dance routine.
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
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