Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
Help. Why am I so naked?
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