I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
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