sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
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