I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
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