He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
Randomize
