someone get that fucking seahorse.
I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
I'm thinking we should try to start remembering stuff we do. Althought I kinda like feeling like Nancy Drew the next morning.
More like the Hardy Boys cause its kinda like a team effort.
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
Randomize
