I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
Randomize
