I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
Randomize
