His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
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