well I can't set my house on fire every night
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
sometimes you have to go after what you want
true. and i really want to cum
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
I want to fling myself into the sun
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
Randomize
