I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
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