There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
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