He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
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