just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
Send us your Text From Last Night!
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
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