Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
Randomize
