What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
Randomize
