I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
Randomize
