Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
I forgot how hot balto sounded
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
Randomize
