no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
Randomize
