you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
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