I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
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