dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
he's hot he just has too much baggage, and has really fucking skinny ankles which freaks me out
you aren't having sex with his ankles, As long as knee caps and above are good, i'd go for it
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
Randomize
