Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
Randomize
