The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
Randomize
