Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
Randomize
