Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
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