i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
My day in three words: secret purse cake
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
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