And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
I wonder why dictionaries dont have indexes to help find the words easier.
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
Randomize
