She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
Randomize
