butt sex is not good for yourself don't do it
Thanks?
Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
Randomize
