Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
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