The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
So all semester this guy and girl have been talking, and today is the last class and we are doing nothing. I would have skipped but I want to see if he seals the deal or pusses out. It's like a season finale.
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
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