Think the blond can even spell "shiksa"?
he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
Randomize
