HIV tests are more positive than that guy
I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
Randomize
