I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
Someone else needs to become the bad example in our group
But you wear shame so well
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
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