guys are not supposed to queef...right?
and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
There's even glitter on my cock...
Randomize
