It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
Randomize