ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
I think my vagina is haunted
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
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he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
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My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
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