she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
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