I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
Randomize
