If no ones going to say it, then I will. Vanessa Hudgens boobs are weird looking
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
Randomize
