im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
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