I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
Randomize
