After last night I still want u
But please keep that on the DL
Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
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