Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
Randomize
