He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
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