Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
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