i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
Randomize
