i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
Randomize
