Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
Randomize
