i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
Randomize
