I stuck it in and pulled it out
Did she like it?
She giggled?
She liked it
i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
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