Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
Randomize
