You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
I don`t remember Saturday, actually
Its ok, i dont remember 2007
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
Randomize
