You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
Randomize
