Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
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