I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
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I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
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I didn't realize how trashy of a night we had.
Welllll, you did eat a cherry out of my pussy. So I think that classes it up a little.
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
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