Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
Randomize
