i dont think there is any level of not caring that i havent covered in the last month
If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
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