Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
The beers last night were like the tears from god
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
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