No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
Did I show you my penis last night?
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
Randomize
