I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
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