she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
I woke up under a house in Key West
Randomize