Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
Randomize
