Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
are you wasted or are you getting laid?
ebdebdebdebd
wow
he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
Randomize
