I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
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