I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
i think i just lost a toe
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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