His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
I'm determined to sit on that face.
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
Randomize
