why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag?
haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background
that only happened once.
I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
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